Welcome! I’m so glad you can join me today. (Sorry, that sounded very Mr. Rogerish). Anyway I ‘m still glad you’re here. So, welcome to my health and wellness blog where we learn how to live a happier and healthier life. Some people would say I’m very calm and don’t get stressed out about stuff too easily. That’s true, I usually tell people I’m so calm when I go to sleep, sheep count me! But have you ever wondered why some people are so calm and others are so stressed? Why? What’s their secret? Well today, I’m going to give you 5 habits that I believe are the reasons for their calm, cool, and collective ways. So, let’s dive right in and see if we can learn something.
I believe that everything from your current situation or “stressors” in life clear down to your genetics probably plays some role in how calm or crazy you feel on a daily basis. But here’s what a lot of people don’t realize, you can create a calmer mind by incorporating or building some better habits. Yes, this goes back to my previous blog about mental toughness, building mental habits, etc. (If you haven’t read that blog yet, I highly recommend it). So, let’s get into some of these habits that you can build to be a calmer person.
- Get your Expectations in Check – According to Nick Wignall, psychologist and personal growth expert, “expectations are often subtle defense mechanisms against the fear of uncertainty and helplessness.” All expectations do is give us the “illusion” of control when really (in reality) we are not in control of a certain situation and we are stressing ourselves out even more. So here is a tip on how to get over that…. If you want to have more inner calmness and a peace of mind, train yourself to be more skeptical of your own expectations and stories about how things should be, rather focus on how things really are!
- Take more responsibility for your actions not the outcomes- My philosophy is control what you can and except the things you can’t. If you worry and hold yourself accountable for the things you can’t control than you are just setting yourself up for failure and a big disappointment! Calm people avoid taking full responsibility for anything. This might sound weird at first, but try these tips for success………..try thinking about your sense of responsibility. This shouldn’t exceed your capacity for control. Just get in the habit of taking the responsibility of your actions toward a situation and just let the outcome play out whatever they’ll be will be!
- Embrace the JOMO, Not the FOMO!– Ok so we have all heard of FOMO right, the fear of missing out. Well there is a thing called JOMO, the joy of missing out! That’s right the JOY! And pain, sunshine and rain. Here we go………..oh wait that’s a song. Ok so we need to embrace the joy of missing out because what is happening is that too many people focus of the fear of missing out that they end up sacrificing long-term commitments/values such as sleep, health, peace of mind, and maybe work. Taking care of yourself and well being comes first and being free to make decisions based on health, values, and what’s important is far better then worrying what you might be missing.
- Set Boundaries- Not only do you have to set boundaries, but they have to be healthy ones. For example, if you notice the people who have a hard time saying No, often are the ones who are stressed the most. Look around, or maybe you are one of those people. I know my wife is, however, she has very good work ethics, she is stressed out a lot because she tries to please too many people at work. So here is what I suggest, you have to build up your tolerance to your fear. The fear of disappointing others. If you get in the habit of telling people, no then you will build your well being and decrease your stress level. The people you say no to will be upset with you, but maybe not to the degree that you are feeling. In addition to them being upset it will only be temporary, they’ll get over it. It’s like I tell my wife, you have to run your day, or your day will run you! Think about it.
- Don’t Control Your Feelings, Control Your Thoughts- Don’t try to make yourself feel happy, control your thoughts to be happy. Here is my take on feeling, controlling, and doing. It is not possible to directly control how you feel. And trying to control your feelings will just lead to disappointment and the feeling of failure. In the long run your just trying to control the uncontrollable. Instead I recommend trying to concentrate on how you think. For example, when you feel sad just remind yourself that everyone feels sad sometimes and it will pass and just because you feel sad now doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing and that you are always sad. Just like when you feel angry, it’s ok to feel anger, but tell yourself it’s fine and it’s how you respond to this anger and how you control it. I have found over the years that it’s cultivating a healthy relationship with your emotions and not try to control them that’s the key. The best thing you can do is just “manage” your thoughts and behaviors and just allow your feelings to be. It is what it is and that’s all that it is.
I hope this helps you a little bit with your thoughts, emotions, and feelings. I will leave you with a few quotes that I thought were appropriate for this blog post. I wish you all the best and it’s ok to ask for help and seek someone to talk to. The worst part is keeping everything inside and not addressing your true feelings and emotions. Seek help, seek life, seek you!
“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”— Howard Thurman
“I realize there’s something incredibly honest about trees in winter, how they’re experts at letting things go.”― Jeffrey McDaniel
“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”
― Bruce Lee
Take Care,
Darren
Harmony Shift 