Welcome to my blog! Today we are going to discuss something that many people might know about, but few actually do it-set boundaries. I’m going to discuss what they are, the different types, and how you can maintain them. Setting healthy boundaries is good for your mental health as well as reducing stress and defining our identity. So, let’s dive right in and start setting these boundaries.
Understanding how to set personal limits (aka, boundaries) is essential for building and maintaining healthy relationships either with friends, family, and even our partners. Many people know what the word “boundaries” means, but they have no idea what they are. Some people might think of boundaries as property lines or “brick walls” used to keep people out. But boundaries are not these rigid lines that are drawn in the sand. Boundaries are a way to take care of ourselves. When you understand how to set and maintain healthy boundaries, you can avoid the feelings of resentment, disappointment, and anger that build up when the limits are pushed to the max.
What are boundaries?
Boundaries can take many forms. They can range from being rigid and strict to appearing almost nonexistent.
If you have more rigid boundaries, you might experience one or more of the following:
- keep others at a distance
- seem detached, even with intimate partners
- have few close relationships
- avoid close relationships
If you have more loose or open boundaries, you might experience one or more of the following:
- get too involved with others’ problems
- find it difficult to say “no” to others’ requests
- overshare personal information with others
- seek to please others for fear of rejection
When a person sets healthy boundaries, they understand that making their expectations clear helps in two ways: one, it establishes what behavior you will accept from other people, and two, it establishes what behavior other people can expect from you. Many of us have a mix of boundaries depending on the situation. For example, you might have strict boundaries at work and more loose ones at home or with family and friends. There might even be different boundaries based on a person’s culture. For example, some cultures find that sharing personal information is not appropriate at any time, while in other cultures, sharing might be encouraged.
Types of boundaries
Building healthy boundaries, whether you’re at work, home, or hanging out with friends depends on an understanding of the different types of boundaries.
There are five different types:
- Physical. This refers to your personal space, your privacy, and your body. You might be someone who is comfortable with public displays of affection (hugs, kisses, etc.), or you might be someone who prefers not to be touched in public.
- Sexual. These are your expectations concerning intimacy.
- Intellectual. These boundaries concern your thoughts and beliefs. Intellectual boundaries are not respected when someone dismisses another person’s ideas, opinions, or beliefs.
- Emotional. This refers to a person’s feelings. You might not feel comfortable sharing your feelings about everything with a friend or partner. Instead, you prefer to share gradually over time.
- Financial. This one, as you guessed, is all about money. How you spend it or save it etc.
How to Set and Maintain Healthy Boundaries
1. Think carefully on the reasons for your boundaries
To successfully set boundaries, it’s important to understand why you have set them in the first place and how they will benefit your emotional, physical, and mental well-being.
The first step in setting healthy boundaries in any situation is spending the time to realize what’s happening to you. Self-awareness is key to setting the correct type of boundary.
2. Start with a few boundaries
If you don’t have many boundaries in place in the beginning, the thought of introducing more might seem too overwhelming so just build them up slowly and steady. By doing this it allows you to take things at your own comfortable pace. It also provides time to reflect on whether it’s heading in the right direction or if you need to make some changes.
3. Consider setting boundaries early
It is very hard to start putting boundaries in place, especially in pre-existing relationships By putting in boundaries right away, it will be a lot easier to work with in the future. By setting boundaries and expectations in the very beginning, everyone knows where they stand, and feelings of hurt, confusion, and frustration can be avoided or reduced.
4. Try to be consistent with your boundaries
If you let some of your boundary’s slide, this can lead to confusion and encourage new expectations and demands among those around you.
Try to be consistent and steady. This helps to reinforce your original beliefs, and it ensures those lines remain clearly established.
5. Carve out time for yourself
Dr. Quinn-Cirillo, a U.K. based psychologist, states that boundaries “vary depending on the type of relationship.” But if you find it helpful, there’s no reason not to have a few basics in place that can be adapted accordingly.
Consider getting an hour or two of alone time each weekend. This could apply whether you live with a partner, have a busy social life with friends, or are close with your family.
6. Don’t be afraid to include extra boundaries
If you think about it, there are already some aspects of our lives that contain boundaries, such as in the workplace. But consider these the minimum. Your friends and coworkers will likely have some of their own in place as well, so it’s OK for you to add some too.
Doing so may even enhance your performance.
7. Set healthy boundaries on social media
The social platforms allow for more communication than ever before, but they’ve also encouraged some obscure boundaries. If you deem a particular action or words as boundary-crossing in real life, your concerns are no less valid when it occurs digitally. Don’t think you have to expose yourself to social media that’s distressing you.
8. Communicate when your boundaries are crossed
Communication is critical in the world of boundaries. If someone consistently oversteps yours, then let them know in a polite way what they are doing. While you might need to raise your concerns, these discussions need not be confrontational.
As a bonus, I have added one more to the list that I thought should be included. So, the one is self-love. By practicing self-love, you increase your self-worth and self-value. You must get in the mindset to start thinking positive and to practice a little self-love from time to time. The more activities of self-love you engage in, the more “feel good” hormones you release into the body.
I hope these help you realize how important it is to set boundaries and the impact they have on your health. By setting good healthy boundaries it allows you to live a more stress free, comfortable, secure life. It will ease your mind, emotions, and financial burden to an extent you didn’t know existed.
Boundaries are essential for different reasons, and they look different to everyone. You might be concerned that they will make you seem unfriendly or confrontational, but it is possible to maintain them without upsetting those you care about. Don’t ever feel guilty about setting boundaries. They’re essentially a form of self-care. From eating a balanced diet to exercising, there is no difference!
Just be prepared that it might take some time and consideration to decipher the boundaries most important to you and the best ways to implement them. Your mental well-being will appreciate the effort in the long run.
As always, take care and if you need any help please let me know.
You only get one body…………….Make the change!
Darren
Harmony Shift 